Or,

• I sometimes use the words your kids hear hourly (partially, but only partially, concealed under the scratch sounds) on your local Pop/HipHop radio stations.
• I sometimes discuss topics often portrayed but not named on Prime Time broadcast television.
• I sometimes use the slang words for fornication and excrement (as applied to government, especially in the USA) that your children probably learned at home or in first grade. They probably learned to use these words to describe government from you.
• I often use rare words and phrases like LEARN, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, READ, and NEWSPAPER. Your child might ask you what these words mean.
• I make it clear that even if you don’t like it, you need to EAT VEGETABLES, GO TO COLLEGE AND GRAD SCHOOL, VOTE, RESPECT DIVERSITY, EXERCISE, and stop worrying about Kardashians, Bieber, and Miley. I frequently endorse Lady GaGa, Miles Davis, John Lennon, and the Swedish Millenium (Dragon Tatoo) Film series as well as Yo-Yo Ma and Chris Thile. And although I think Obamacare is flawed (in that it does not go far enough), I continue to strongly endorse it.
• There may be discussion and pictures of the human breast, vagina, and penis was well as brain scans, tooth decay, politicians, the effects of smoking, the destruction of the environment, and income disparities and poverty. I avoid the use of words like boob (for politicians and the breast), prick (for politicians and the penis), and asshole (for politicians and the anus), although your children may be more familiar with the slang than the proper anatomical terms or politicians’ names and responsibilities.
• I support all religions that respect diversity and humanity and do no try to harm or forcibly convert those who practice other faiths.
• Research has “proven” that gender, sexual orientation, race-ethnicity, skin color, place of origin, and organized religious group are NOT correlated with human kindness, human intelligence, human ethics, human fairness, human acceptance of other viewpoints, the search for peace, and the willingness to experience new cultures, knowledge, and friendships. The only people I rant about are those in the US government because observation make it clear that many (but I hasten to add not all) US politicians do not aspire to the ideals of kindness, intelligence, ethics, fairness, diversity, and peace. I also scream about lack of healthcare, mental health services, food, safety, peace, education, and respect for all groups in all countries. And I believe that all abusers of children, elders, minorities, and women should be housed in a special corner of Hell next to those who build or use weapons of mass destruction against anyone and those leaders who have attempted “ethnic cleansing.”

Please plan accordingly.